Omnisexual, foot in mouth, love vrs sex and some other non-sense

Yesterday Sunday I had quite a day.  Met a couple strangers with whom I got tangled up in a conversation about swingers, foursomes and such.  Then another fine girl joined, whom I thought was hitting on me.  When the  girl went to get a drink, I told the couple I was talking to:"is it just me or is that girl hitting on me? Would you guys let me know?" to which they replied:"we of course will pay attention considering she is married to our cousin."  Yup, I find a way to put my foot in my mouth regularly.

Then talking to @crazycoug (this is for you brother) about the situation he told me I am omnisexual.  Well according to the Sex-Lexis dictionary, omnisexual is: "Person attracted to all sexes and to all forms of sexuality, in distinction to bisexual (attracted to two sexes) and monosexual (attracted to one sex)"

That just threw me for a loop. "Person attracted to all sexes"? WTF? How many sexes are out there was my first thought. According to @crazycoug it meant:"it includes everything and anything you can think of. It's like someone's sex is irrelevant to you." Which still didn't explain how many sexes are out there.  Anyway the point is that this whole sex thing gets messy, literally.  Sometimes I think its more work than its worth it and we should all stick to being pure and such and only bump uglies when we are in love. How puritan of me. But really.  

Sex might be over rated, love might be under rated and all of us might be in deep sheet. Omnisexuals or not.

Mexico legalizes drug and some other crap....

So Mexico passed a law to legalize all drugs, for real.  It goes like this, you can carry small amount of drugs for your own consumption without being penalized. "The maximum amount of marijuana under the new law is 5 grams—the equivalent of about four joints. The limit is a half gram for cocaine, the equivalent of about 4 lines. For other drugs, the limits are 50 milligrams of heroin, 40 milligrams for methamphetamine and 0.015 milligrams for LSD." What do I say to that?  All I know it's that 80% of Hollywood, the entire state of Florida, every person with the last names Lohan and Winehouse and half of Wall Street has moved to Mexico. I don't even know what to do with that one.

I do know that in this very blog I have seemed to used 3 different font sizes and a couple font types and I am not even near Mexico.

But let's get real people.  Almost everyone at one point or another has done drugs and I live in a glass house so I am not about to throw the first stone (or brick as the case might be).

Sometimes when people talk to me I have the impression that they are high on something, really, there's a lot of shit being said that makes no sense and all I can do is try not to laugh.  But as I have said many time I am not running for Jesus, so I don't judge, it's just that sometimes I just have no idea what you are talking about.

Even then, I like to think that people speak their own language and when I don't understand I just need to learn that language and we will be golden.

As we speak, you probably you have no idea what I am saying.  It doesn't matter, even if you feel like you've been pissed by a herd of elephants, its all good.

Wherever you are, you are good, so am I. Put on a good tune, relax, we are good, even without the drugs.

p.

The mediocre blog (telling you now)

I have not blogged in a week or so.  There is no apparent reason for that being that way, just a choice.  I have been interacting with the real world, people, friends, family, the sun and the moon and some stars in between.

There's been a lot of things happening in my life, just like in yours.  Life is a constant changing, evolving, moving machine and we are always moving, evolving, changing.

Some people believe in reencarnation, in being born again in another body.  Well, each day our cells, each one of them in our body, renews itself, so yes, each day we are born into a new body.  The trick question is, can we be born into a new mind-set each day?  Of course we can, if we want.

I spend a lot of time, working on this.  Making each day a different one, changing the way I look at things and people and re-discovering the world, each day.

I have learned that if I touch everything/everyone with a positive energy, then I will always find pieces of me and positive ones when I run into those places and people.

Where am i going with this? Good question, your guess it's as good as mine.

I spent a long time talking to a couple friends I love dearly this afternoon.  It's amazing what a difference it makes when we actually engage in a dialogue, when we listen, we talk and communicate.  

This is going nowhere and really fast, so I am going to call it "the mediocre, going nowhere blog" and call it quits.

p.

The vagina blog-0-logue

This blog is all for @LynziePretty, she requested I write about vagina, so here I go.  First of all, ladies, it doesn't matter what any of us guys say, none of us know shit about the moist cellar door.  Some of us might know more than others, but as a group, men, we don't know shit.  Same way that you ladies might think you know about "the gentle tower" but you really don't.  When you have a whole life with a particular piece of equipment and then you are giving another completely different to "work with", well, there's a learning curve, a life long one.  So go ahead and tell us, what we are doing right, wrong or not doing at all.  Maps are appreciated.  There, I said it.

And can we stick to the word "punani", sounds like an exotic destination, a mysterious place you are going to, full of wonder and excitement, pretty accurate if you ask me.  Any other names/nick-names for your island of wonder, just won't cut it in my book.

Va-jay-jay just sounds like a creepy clown of a dead beat circus, don't care what Oprah say, that term must go.

I think we forget that just because of the vagina women are creatures that us men will never understand or compare to.  Imagine us, men, bleeding once a month, psh, we would be in the hospital for the whole duration of the period, crying of pain because of the cramps, calling our mummys to be with us and fainting at the sight of blood.

Then you have giving birth....forget it.  That's like an alien exploding into the world in a whole mess of blood, placenta, random liquids...neah, we would need to be put under fully and have many years of therapy.  Not to mention that every time we would see our off-spring we would hatefully remind them how they "crippled" us for life.

So, I am the one to say it: women ARE better, MUCH BETTER.  And yes, its due to their vaginae and all sort of miracles that happen there.

Because of what happens "in there" we are also a bit suspicious.  We don't know what the hell is going on in there.  Its not like our magic wand where everything happens out there, in the open, for everyone to see (sometimes in embarrassing situations.)

Women (and their vaginae) should at all times be treated with the utmost respect.  PROVIDED women treat themselves and their magic box with such respect.  Let's be honest, some women used their "sacred punani" (see? it sounds mystical) as a cheap booth in a dilapidated, travelling amusement park.  For a small fee (whether it's a drink/clothes/etc) anyone gets a turn to play.  That it's just nasty, don't expect me to respect that.

So @LynziePretty, there you have it.

BY POPULAR DEMAND: MY DRUNK BLOG

OMG, OMG, OMG, this is not working, it's 10 minutes to midnight & I am trying to keep myself awake for 2am when people go out here.  So I thought I would tweet a bit, drink a bit, surf the net a bit.....WTF? I think I did more drinking than needed, less tweeting than planned & here I am.  Not 4 sheets to the wind, more like all SHIT to the wind.

I should not be writing but I am totally looking forward to reading this tomorrow when I have a raging headache and no idea what I am writing about.

So I am going to let you take a look into my brain as is now, nothing is related, but here are all the ideas going on at once:

1- Who is Federico DeVito? don't ask me how we stumbled upon each other but now I need help on at least knowing who he is before I make a fool of myself.

2- I want snow NOW. Damn it, it is winter, I know its a South American winter but still, want snow, snowmobiles, fire places, wine, all of it.  

3- Whats up Jack Nicholson.  Your face has started looking like a prune.

4- No @LynziePretty, I have not yet wrote the blog about vaginas, I will, I am just trying to figure out the angle I want to come at it from (pun intended)

5- Beer here is cheap.

6- Not a safe place? shit, look @ me txting, tweeting, blogging, no one gives a shit.

7- my lucky number.

8- what am I numbering this for?

9- Gawd I am beautiful.

10- Almost midnight, 2 more hours to go and I can go out.

11- Damn this crazy going out schedules.

12- I need coffee and preferably delivered to me by a beautiful person wearing next to nothing.

13- Another lucky number.

14- shit.

Mirrors & hospitals

It has been brought to my attention that there's usually no mirrors in patients hospital bathrooms.  Last time I was in a hospital I was too much of a hot mess to remember any of it, I guess when you are in a comma things become hazy to say the least.  So I can't really say because I don't know.  But I invite you to go/call your closest hospital and ask if the patients rooms have mirrors or the bathrooms....wait, that might be misconstrued, unless of course you call a mental hospital and they might encourage you to check in.

Seriously, this is something I want to know.  If I was in the hospital for a brief period of time for something other than a comma (however I tend to do everything to the extreme) I would like a mirror in my bathroom.

Years ago, my wise mother was going through a rough patch in her life, she was getting a divorce from my dad and was not at her best to say the least.  However, the thing that intrigued me for a while, was that every time she went out "to the world" she would do her make up and dress up like she was about to go on a photo shoot for "Vogue."  The contradiction confused me.  She could be a royal mess, cry, be sad/mad/etc, yet before she was to go out, she would shower and come out of the bathroom looking like a million dollars (back then the dollar was strong, if it was now I would say she looked like a million Euros.)

So, one time I sat on her bed while she was putting her "face" on and asked her what the hell she did that for.  She put her mascara down, looked straight at me through the mirror and said:" the worse you feel, the better you have to look."  I got up and wanted to call a doctor because I was certain she had lost it.

However, over the years I have realized how wise that was.  When you are down (whether is physically or emotionally) and you look like shit and go out to the world, people will tell you:"you look like shit" or with concern ask you:"why do you look like shit?"  Which in turn reminds you why you are like you are and make you feel even worse. Bad catch 22.  

So, if I am in the hospital/sad/depressed/hot mess, I turn it around and look like a million euros.  Then people tell me how great I look and makes me feel better.

So  if hospitals don't have mirrors because they are afraid patients will feel worse at how they look, well, turn it around, light the place up, have your nurses help your patients dress up and put them in front of a mirror:"why yes, you are sick but it must not be that bad, look how great you look." It's amazing what positive reinforcement does.

Crying won't help you now....

So it says the lyrics of my all time favourite singer ever: Ben Harper.  As a rule I will not argue with him, the man knows his sh*t.  Now the song playing says:" what more than sorry can I say? what more than sorry can I be?"

Sometimes simple things like songs can teach you so much.  I've always been musically inclined, by that I mean: inclined to listen to music.  I've tried to sing to every one's bleeding ears, then tried to learn to play the guitar, and still haven't given up that one.  I was told that mostly, those that speak more than one language (4 here) are in general good at carrying tunes, since your ear/voice is used to pick up on sounds/intonations and mimic them.  So much for that.  My best singing is done in the shower or karaoking Macy Gray's "I try" after an Irish Car Bomb chased by a stein of beer.  Even then, it's painful at best.

However, I still sing.  All the time.  It gives me pleasure.  So many times we do or stop doing things for others.  We need to remember more often to do things for ourselves, because it makes US happy, because we CAN.

I am the "fool" that sings and dances, anywhere at the drop of a hat.  Once I remember driving with 3 friends to Vegas when we got stuck (in the desert in the middle of the summer mind you) in the freeway due to an accident.  After the first 30 minutes baking in the car and once the realization set in that we were in there for a long haul, the moods were like Smeagel's once he realize the precious was not going to be his.  So I turned the radio really loud, got out of the car and started dancing on the side of it, yes, in the freeway.  Of course people looked at me as if I was a mental case.  Well guess what, the frowns slowly turned to smiles, car doors open and soon all of my friends and some neighboring cars were joining.  As "out of a bad commercial" that sounds, I didn't do it for them.  I did not care what they thought of me.  I did it for me.  And I had fun.

Whatever it is that makes you happy, DO IT.  Crying won't help you now.

Randomly...

I just realized that I no longer have finger nails as much  as I have claws, something must be done about it.  Either I get the old finger nail clippers or try to grow fangs & rock the tormented vampire look.  However that vampire thing it's getting out of control, so I will just clip them, never been much of a follower.

As you have figured it out by now this is going to be a non-sense rambling that might, or might not go anywhere.  What do you want? it's a lazy Sunday, cut me some slack (and my finger nails while you are at it.)

The sun can't make up its mind, whether it wants to stay or go back and hide behind a cloud, it's being a little bitch in other words.

I have had plenty of coffee, went for the usual walk, let my mind wonder.  Sometimes I think we all should have a random day where nothing is planned, nothing is expected and we let things happen.  I've always been weary of people that plan every single day, every single month and year of their life.  Let me let you in a secret: planning is good, but if you plan EVERYTHING there will be no time for life to surprise you.  So, allow some time in your life where you know the unexpected will happen, where surprises will be welcomed, where you will remember what it's like to be a kid again.

Today is that day for me and I keep on picking different days.  Each one I have learned something, I have been surprised by someone or something.  From a great find in a flea market I stumbled upon, to life changing discoveries in my journey, it's all there.

Open the door to the unknown and let life surprise you.