Today I woke up not being myself. Well, to make it clear, I fully expect every morning to wake up not being myself, not being the one that I was the day before but an improved version of the day before. I usually wake up, shower, have my coffee and get on with the day, full of hope and things to do and discover.
Today was different, woke up, started the day as usual but feeling out of sync. Does that ever happen to you? You start your day and you just don't seem to "catch on." I am not talking about things to be done but about the distinct feeling that you are "out of it."
This soon turned into a feeling of anxiety and discomfort and me trying to find a reason for it and something to do to be "grounded" again.
I realized that even not being aware I have been stressed about my impending return to the US. Granted I am not climbing on a plane tomorrow but somehow I have been on an off wondering many things. What am I going to do when I head back? Will I be able to continue moving forward and concentrating on the things that I know are important? Will I keep on working on myself? Thing is that being in different countries, without a lot of pressure, spending time on my inner self, caring for things that are important to me seems easier than doing it back home while waiting at a Starbucks line for my dirty chai.
I realize that all the lessons I have been learning over the past year need to be very present in my life regardless of where I am. I cannot say I can be a better person when removed from my own life or on a different area code. The real challenge is to be better, each day, while being present and living life one day at the time.
Just as I was pondering this and not feeling too great about it my phone rang. One of my best friends with whom I hadn't talked to in a couple months calls me out of the blue. He is a very intuitive guy and one of the few people that has a natural gift to mellow me out, put things in perspective and inspire me.
I told him all my concerns about my return, all the thoughts I had. I went outside and sat on the grass while the sun warmed me up and my friend warmed my heart. We talked for a while. At the end of my conversation all my anxiety was gone. I was again grounded and I am looking forward to the future while firmly grounded in the present.
I am so grateful that life has a way to watch over me, to send me the right messages at the needed time if I am willing to listen.
I love my friends, the messengers of love, hope, joy and all things good that life sends my way.
I am happy. I am light, I am love, I am joy.
I wish you the same.
P.
No comments:
Post a Comment