It's been a while...

Since I wrote here and poured my heart out.  I have been thinking, meditating and honestly felt there was nothing I could say.  When I have ideas, thoughts, feelings that are not fully formed I choose not to say anything because it's not done! It would be to me like getting a cake out of the oven for you to try when it's not fully cooked, nobody would like that.
The feeling gave way to a thought and the thought gave way to a clear statement of being in my mind and heart.  This is it : IT IS NOT ABOUT ME.
This blog is not about me, the work I take upon myself for others it's not about me, when I love it's not about me, when I give, it's not about me.
It is my new mantra.  I want to selflessly give, love, help, care, be kind and make sure I make none of this actions/intentions about me.
I want to express my thankfulness for people that have showed me this way of selflessness, bravery and showing the way.  Thank you mom, dad and my siblings.  Thank you, amazing, patient, caring friends.  Thank you Jason Mraz, your example, for taking risks and standing tall against things that might not be "popular" for your career, it has shown me what its like to not make it about "me."  Thank you, I manifest my intention to do what I do with a pure heart and NOT about me.
Wanna join?
P.

Around the world.

Around the world I have not been.  I have been in about a dozen countries and more cities/towns that I care to sit down and count now.  Now because I didn't care about those places, but because this is not a bragging session to see who has traveled more or less.  It's a whole different beast.
While traveling I have come to realize that even though our cultures, traditions, might be quite different, that difference is shrinking faster than I am comfortable with.
I am not going to discuss or even attempt to explain why across the world we are becoming more and more alike, not (thankfully) in our core but at a glimpse.  I remember not long ago after having been traveling between 4 countries and having spent 26 hours in planes or airports that I got to my hotel, got out of the cab and had NO IDEA what country I was in.  I was that tired and even though sounds ridiculous, believe me, it does happen.  So there I was, on a sidewalk, looking around, drawing a blank.  I looked at the hotel (Day's Inn), no help there, I knew I wasn't in the States.  Then I looked across the street: Pizza Hut, Blockbuster Video and a strip mall.  Then the cab driver asked me if I was ok, in Spanish, then I realized I was now in Uruguay.  I have been thinking about that since.
Ten years ago, I didn't feel we were becoming so homogeneous as we are now.  Two months ago I was in Buenos Aires with a good friend from the States.  We ended up in a mall, we were heading to Starbucks because I wanted a dirty soy chai, we stopped at a kiosk for cigarettes my friend wanted.  She asked me how much they were in English, to which the store attendant replied: "5 bucks."
See what I am getting at? We can go to most places in the world and choose the reality we want to live in.  I realized i can travel the world feeling I have never left the United States.  However, is that traveling?
I don't travel to look at sights from behind a sterilized glass window, I travel to learn, to mingle, to be as close to the real people as possible.  It worries me that in my latest travel, the real people are more and more trying to be like other people, forgetting their ancestry, the pride they should have for their country, culture and heritage to become a not so attractive (to me) version of themselves.
While personally being from a Latin background, I have always made it a point to yes, adjust and be part of my community in the States, but I have also put a lot of effort on not loosing my identity in the process, sometimes to my detriment.
I still hug rather than shake hands, I still give you my love and trust first and learn later.  I still speak my parents languages any chance I have.  I still remember where I come from and where I want to be.
I believe that if you are not firmly rooted on your cultural and personal identity, any wind can blow you away, and there are lots of winds of change coming.
Let's know who we are, where we come from and be proud of it.
P.

SPACESHIP EARTH

The only real nation is humanity. Paul Farmer

 

 We are all in this together people.  "This" happens to be our Spaceship Earth.  No, no, I am not going to write about how to save the planet, have done it and will do it, but this is something different.

I happen to realize that our spaceship got a whole lot smaller over the past few years.  Things that happen across the world get to us in a few seconds.  THAT is a big change.

Last time I took a long trip (11 months) was about 8 years ago.  Now I am on the 7th month of a trip and I am just at awe when seeing the big differences in just 8 years.

Today I am rarely not in touch with my friends through text messages, twitter, Facebook and such.  And not just in touch, I can see what they are up to, look at their pictures and when in deep need of "having a drink" with friends we skype and have drinks together.

My point is, when we have so many tools to be connected, lets use them to make meaningful connections, to put out there positive, inspiring messages.  Imagine the impact of all this communication when used for positive things.  Imagine the Spaceship Earth interconnected with all of us trying to improve it, not just the "spaceship" but the lives of all on board.  Now KNOW, that dream can come true.  In every interaction., literal or virtual, lets put our best intention out there.

We WILL change the world.  Join me.

Pablo

ON DEATH

Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.~ Amelia Burr
Today I found out someone I know an have been friends with committed suicide.  I am not going to lie and go for the "pity party" thing.  We were friends many years ago and I had not seen him in probably 10 years.  Yet, when I heard the news I went into Pablo-crazy-mode.  So I had to walk away from everything and let my feelings be felt and understood, or try to understand why it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I went for a walk at sunset, I saw an amazing sky, clouds, horizon.  All me was a bunch of tears.  I kept trying to understand why this news hit me so hard.  Yes, he was someone I know, yes, we had great times, but I had not seen him in years and yet, here I was, walking on a country road crying like a baby.
I took a deep breath. I allowed myself to feel whatever was coming over me, to be present to this feelings and I befriend them.  As friends, we talked and I tried to understand.
I realized a few things.  Having been in a place where I did want to commit suicide myself a few years back I realized that one of my burdens were knowing that regardless the fact that my friend committed suicide, I did not and do not feel like I cannot respect his choice, even though I don't agree with it.  When I was at my wits ends, that was my reality, suicide was a tangible, reasonable option, regardless of how others saw my situation.
So there, I can't even be mad at my friend, but on top I respect his choice.
Then I also realized I have a bitter chip on my shoulder.  When I was 21 my cousin died on a car accident.  We grew up together, we were like brothers.  Since his death, 11 of my friends have died, either committing suicide or in accidents.  So yes, I am bitter.  I have friends who don't even know what is like to loose someone they love.  I realized I have all this frustration for the things I have had to experience, my uncle committing suicide when I was 5, then my grandparents dying and then after a breather, 11 friends in 10 years.  I realized I have been angry and also not allowing myself to grieve because I felt I would just go insane.  Yet today, walking, looking at a pink sky, feeling the breeze I realized: I won't go insane, feelings are to be felt.  It is ok to cry and cry and cry a bit more.  It is ok to miss, to long for someone, to remember something and smile.
It is ok to FEEL, to be honest and KNOW that sometimes we will hurt, and sometimes we will cry, but above all, to know that to feel and cry and hurt we will have had to enjoy and had been close to friends and family.  So yes, I cry as I write thinking of my friends that passed and I am happy I can cry and I can hurt and I can feel, because god damn it, I only go through this because I was present at each time with them.  So, ALWAYS, I will take the crying. 
Go, LOVE, HUG, FEEL, HURT and CRY, its all WORTH IT.
Pablo

Where to begin?

One of the most beautiful gifts in the world is the gift of encouragement. When someone encourages you, that person helps you over a threshold you might otherwise never have crossed on your own.~John O'Donohue

 

I have been thinking about the deep breath we take before "jumping."  Whatever that jump is, to change our jobs, our relationships, to get in or out of a commitment, to do something that is monumental to us and that will change our world as is.

A few months ago I "took the plunge" and got out of my comfort zone, got in a plane and headed south with a mild idea of what I was going after.  I left a job I had been doing for about 10 years (2 jobs really) and I liked, a lot.  However the job did no longer bring the passion out of me, it was a comfortable gig I did, the novelty gone, the challenge almost not there.

I am one of those creatures driven by an honest passion in all I do.  I do what I want and I put my heart in it, not always to my benefit.  I am the crazy guy not ashamed of ending each conversation with a hug and an "I love you" and believe me, I mean it, each time.

In everything in life I find that when the passion is gone, in my job, my relationships, the book I am reading, well, I just do what it takes to "get through it."  I also know that life is what it is, I won't get out of it alive and because of that I don't want to "get through" life.

A few countries and months after I left my home and friends in Salt Lake City (by home I mean my stuff stored away) I am finding my bliss. I am waking up again excited for each day and each new challenge I have taken upon myself.

I have to "take my hat off" to all those that have encouraged me, knowingly or not to follow this path.  Not one of my friends told me that I am crazy for what I am doing.  Not one told me to stick to my job, routine and "get through it."  Quite the opposite, they have been the most supportive friends, writing, texting, sending care packages but above all encouraging me to do what I feel needs to be done.  Same can be said for my amazing family.

Then there are those people that I know and the ones that I don't that unknowingly have encouraged me as well.  How? By living the life I never want for myself, for them or for those I love. A life of doing what they hate, to pay what owns them that they never get to enjoy, because, well, because they have to work to pay for it.

I am understanding that everything we do is an encouragement to others.  When we do nothing in front of injustice, we are encouraging those imposing it, saying "it's ok, if we don't stand up for what's right, then you might not be wrong." I am realizing that our lives, lives of choice, of action and reaction, are as well lives of encouragement to those watching.  Oh, and people watch.  You can take that example to the max and think of celebrities, their lives are encouraging generations to follow and imitate their life styles.

We are not celebrities, but we live in a society, we have a community that is watching.

Let's lead a life that will encourage others to do their best, to be kind, to be loving, to be mindful, to be strong, to be hopeful.  And let's do that with our example.

Will you join me?

Pablo

HEART

Midnight ramblings.  I cannot, ever, get over the LOVE that is in this world.  I know, I know, you can always point out to me the hate and the wars and the tragedies.  However I will point out to you the love in your life, and mine and his and hers.
It is an overwhelming thing when you realize that there are people that care for you, think of you, hope for you.  As times goes by I have learned to understand that a) you are not obligated to love me and b) damn, I am a hard person to love.
I am aware of my flaws, many of them and the more I work on being a better person, the more I wonder why have people put up with me for so long.  Love comes in and whispers to me and tells me that you have done all that because you love me.
I have met a lot of people in my life in different countries, cultures, situations.  I have made it a point to treat each as a long lost friend.  I was just raised that way.  However, I now think that it was all of you all along treating me as a long lost friend, I was at the receiving end of the love fest.
I thank you for it.
Many things have happened in my life, good and bad, ugly and not, happy and sad.  I was reading a journal I wrote about 10 years ago, when I was seriously considering suicide and was constantly walking around followed by a gray cloud.  I read it and thought "what was I thinking?" and the answer is: I wasn't.  At the time that was my reality, despair, unhappiness and no light at the end of the tunnel. 
Now my reality is so different.  I am full of hope, full of joy and eating a big, tasty piece of HUMBLE pie.  I am loosing myself trying to help and love others and who knew? by doing this I am finding myself and my bliss.
If you know me, have no hesitation: I LOVE YOU.  If you don't know me, have no hesitation: I WILL LOVE YOU.
Now, pass it around.
Pablo

GRATITUDE

I don't even know how to put into words the feeling of gratitude, humility and appreciation this week has brought to me.  I will try my best to share with all of you.
Three days ago I "launched" what is a grain of sand in the ocean of hope: a small website designed to help others learn, share, empower and help each other to end human trafficking.  It is a big endeavor and a huge passion of mine.  There are 27 million people living in conditions of slavery around the world (in your community too, chances are) and I have decided to do something about it.  It's no use to feel there's nothing that I can possibly do and let things go on. It has taken me a long time to realize what I can do.  Through different experiences I realized what I am not. I am not an activist, I am not, nor do I intend to be another non profit organization.  What I really want is to help people learn about the issue, find out where they can help, know about all the organizations and brave individuals who are out there, fighting for those that can't.  So I know I aspire to be a communicator, a connector between people wanting to do something about this.
I thought I could get a website where there are all the resources for people and also where people can connect, share their stories, etc.  I also realized that I have no idea how to make a website, let alone making it nice.  I also realized I cannot let that little thing get on the way.  So I started and it's up and running! Check it here
The first version of the site was not as clear and organized as it looks now.  Here is where gratitude comes in.  I posted about the site on FaceBook and Twitter (you can follow me here) and withing three hours I had over a hundred hits.  People started messaging me and offering help.  Help was needed.  The first version of the site was really what you'd expect from a guy that has no idea what he is doing.  Then people from Australia, New Zealand, the States, Europe started pitching in.  Thanks to their help the site makes more sense. The went in, fixed it and did it in their own time, out of kindness.  I woke up the day after I had been telling people to check the site to a pile of emails, pictures, questions and I was blissfully panicked.
Took a minute to be grateful that people are getting it, that they are willing to join me in this adventure.
It is a simple thing, you go to the site, read, get informed, download a logo.  Then print it and get creative with it.  The whole goal of this is to start a conversation.  You can post it in your office and when people ask you tell them about the issue.  You can go out to landmarks, places around your town and post it.  People will ask and if you are not there, the poster has the site's address so they can find out more.
I am grateful that people are actually willing to do simple little things to learn and share and move towards a higher consciousness where we are aware of this issue as a community and can start making changes.
I thank you, for being part of this new army. We ARE a new army and we are armed with LOVE.
Pablo